... indistinguishable from magic
effing the ineffable since 1977


Here are a few variations of wordplay that I've written:

Tom Swifties

"Duck!" said Tom seductively.
"Barbecued Attila please!" requested Tom hungrily.
"Push the button for crushed or cubed," suggested Tom precisely.
"We need to evaluate how much progress Tillie's made," said Tom, testily.
"The official should be monetarily penalized for that bad call," said Tom refinedly.
"The pixie made a mistake," said Tom imperatively.

(the pun for this one wasn't by me, but it's so good I had to include it)
"I don't have anyone to ride my tandem with," said Tom lackadaisically.


To whoever invented the Haiku
With a two-by-four I'd like to strike you
'Cos now every nerd
With a seasonal word
Is five-seven-fiving just like you!

(Thanks to Gervase Markham for the inspiration for these ones)

A porter from Gonville and Caius
Turned the thermostat down ten degraius
A student, Siobhan,
Looking rather forlhan,
Said "Plaius turn it up, or I'll fraius!"

A driver whose surname was St. John
Had a car with a powerful t. John
It was so very fast
That when Saturn whizzed past
It barely was worthy of Mt. John

A factory worker named Featherstonehaugh
Was cutting some wood with a beatherstonedhaugh
His boss, Herr Clouseau
Said "You're saughing too sleau"
He said "Going as fast as I ceatherstonehaugh!"